


Why Me?

by Styx_in_the_mud



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blackmail, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Text Messages, mild crack, past drunken shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 07:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Styx_in_the_mud/pseuds/Styx_in_the_mud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everybody wants to ruin Dr. John Watson's life. Two bored Holmes brothers, a box full of embarrassing photos, and a VERY interested Scotland Yard can only mean trouble for the good doctor. An Omegle story told through texts. Rated for mild cursing. Mild crack. Co-authored with an unknown stranger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Me?

**Author's Note:**

> So, we have yet another story told via omegle. The stars are me and the dashes are the stranger. This will slowly become more and more OOC. Currently a oneshot, but I'll add more if there are enough reviews *Hint Hint*.Enjoy! -Stixer

* Baker street, come at once if convenient-SH

\- What is it now? What happened? -JW

* We need Milk-SH

* And a new Microwave-SH

\- Bloody hell. What did you do? -JW

* Experiment. Did you know that Brain matter is a combustible substance?-SH

\- I think anything would explode after being nuked in the bloody microwave, Sherlock. -JW

* Will Mrs. Hudson raise the rent if there are some stains in the carpet?-SH

* And the wallpaper? -SH

\- Aw hell. It's that bad? That's it. No microwave for you anymore. -JW

* But John! I need a suitable source of radiation. It is vital to some of my experiments!-SH

\- Don't care. Only I can use it when I get a new one. Go blow someone else's microwave up. NOT Mrs. Hudson's! -JW

* Fine then... Maybe I can Borrow Lestrade's. -SH

\- He might not give you cases if you do that. -JW

* I might have something I can blackmail Mycroft with-SH

\- Which would be...? -JW

* Pictures. I believe mummy sent me some when I first moved to London.-SH

* Aha! I found something. -SH

\- Dare I ask what are in those pictures? -JW

\- Wait...what did you find? -JW

* Oh, nothing on Mycroft I'm afraid... he probably destroyed them all.

You on the other hand... -SH

\- What is it? -JW

\- Wait what? What are you planning? -JW

\- Bloody hell I'm not kidding! -JW

* How exactly did you get the nickname "three continents Watson"?-SH

\- W-What? Oh God. Get out of my stuff, Sherlock! -JW

* Is it my fault you leave it lying around? -SH

\- Get OUT of my things before I hurt you -JW

* John, when you leave them in such obvious places you can't really complain. -SH

\- My room is supposed to contain my things in it! I don't go snooping through your room! -JW

\- Now please get out before you find something worse. -JW

* John. You're wearing a dress. Purple is not your color. -SH

\- GET OUT, DAMMIT!-JW

\- Plus I was drunk that day. -JW

* Hmm... Lestrade may like this one.-SH

\- Like...what...?-JW

\- What is it? -JW

* The one with the fruit. -SH

\- Fucking hell. Don't show anyone that! Sherlock stop and get out off my room! -JW

\- When I get home I plan on throwing you out a window for this. -JW

* Lestrade won't see any of them if I get my microwave.-SH

\- You'll just blow it up again! -JW

* John. It's for the case!-SH

\- What case requires you to blow up brains! -JW

* A man's alibi relies on it.-SH

* Legwork from my dear brother. -SH

\- For God's sake. Fine! Just...get out of my things before you find anymore. When I get home I'm burning them. -JW

* Alright. -SH

\- Thank you! -JW

\- Uh...just to be sure...that's all you found, right? -JW

* Oh. Of Course. -SH

\- Good. Now leave my room, now. -JW

* JOHN WHAT THE HELL! - Greg

\- What? -JW

\- What happened? -JW

* What are you doing with the fruit? -Greg

\- The hell- oh no. SHERLOCK I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!-JW

* John?-SH

\- Greg, burn that picture! -JW

\- DON'T FUCKING "JOHN?" ME! You showed Greg that picture! -JW

* Okay. Can I keep the one with the dress though? -Greg

* John, It wasn't me. -SH

\- NO YOU CAN'T! Greg what is wrong with you? Burn them, now! -JW

\- What the hell do you mean it wasn't you! I'm not stupid. You were the only one in my stuff! -JW

* He's right... purple is not your color. -Greg

* I swear it wasn't me! -SH

\- Shut up! I was drunk! -JW

\- Yes it was! Greg even said "He's right... purple is not your color," Something you informed me of earlier, no? -JW

* Just wondering... why is the picture so fuzzy. -Greg

\- I don't know Greg. Rubbish drunken photographer? -JW

* That would explain it. -Greg

* It wasn't me John. But who else? I was the only one in the house, and the only one watching. How... Oh -SH

\- What? If not you, then who? -JW

* Cameras John! -SH

\- ...Please don't tell me Mycroft. -JW

* Oh, very good. I'm rubbing off on you. -SH

\- Never mind you. I'm going to punch your brother instead. I mean-why would he send those! -JW

* *Number Blocked* Hello John

\- Mycroft! Why did you send those pictures! -JW

* *Number Blocked* I thought they may amuse a few friends.

\- Dammit, why can't you stay out of my life? -JW

* *Number Blocked* You practically invited me into your life when you decided to move in with my brother.

\- No, I bloody well didn't! Last thing I need is for you to be stalking me and exploiting my embarrassing moments! -JW

* John. Who's the girl in this picture? -Greg

\- ...No one, Greg! I thought I asked you to burn those! -JW

* You told me to burn the one with the fruit and the dress. -Greg

\- ...How many pictures do you have? -JW

* I don't know, I keep getting more. -Greg

\- DON'T LOOK AT THEM! Don't look, just burn! -JW

\- Mycroft, why are you doing this to me? I will kill you for this! –JW

* *Number Blocked* That would be terribly ambitious of you.

* It's like a train wreck. I can't look away. -Greg

\- Just try, okay! Oh God. My life is going down the drain...-JW

* *Number Blocked* You have no idea how easy it is to find some interesting photographs once you know where to look. And if you have my resources...

\- Why me? You uncaring bastard! What have I ever done to deserve this! -JW

* *Number Blocked* It get's quite boring, running the British government.

\- Great. Now I'm harassed by two bored Holmes. One that blew up the microwave and one that gets a sadistic kick out of my embarrassment! Fan-fucking-tastic! How did I get so lucky? -JW

* John... -Greg

\- Oh God. What, Greg? I don't think I even want to know...-JW

* Anderson wants to know where you found the cat. -Greg

\- Greg, just kill me now. Please.-JW

* Not my division. -Greg

* Where did you get the cat. -Greg

\- Look at the time it was my girlfriend's cat, okay? She had brought it with her and after she never talked to me again, happy? -JW

* Extremely... where did Sherlock get the pictures anyway?-Greg

\- He was going through my things in my room when I told him he couldn't use the microwave anymore. Besides...he didn't send them. His annoying ass of an older brother did. -JW

* He has a brother... God help us all. -Greg

\- No, God help me. He's stalks me because I live with Sherlock. Thought showing these pictures would be funny! -JW

* Well, he wasn't wrong. -Greg

\- Thank you, Greg. That makes me feel better! -JW

* *Number Blocked* my PA would like to know if she can borrow the feather boa sometime.

\- Are you trying to drive me away? Or trying to make me kill myself? I mean, really, I want to know! -JW

\- And no, she can't! -JW

* Does Sally have your number? -Greg

\- No, why? -JW

* Never mind. -Greg

\- Why, Greg! Don't tell me she got them too! -JW

* Okay. She didn't get them. -Greg

* I don't think it was big brother Holmes though. -Greg

\- Oh God. -JW

\- What do you mean? He told me himself that he did it. -JW

* By the looks she was giving Anderson... -Greg

\- Sally? But how did she even get a hold of those! -JW

* Anderson would be my guess. OH. MY. GOD. -Greg

\- Anderson, that bas-Whoa-What? What did you see now? Please don't be that Christmas party picture...-JW

* EVERYONE can see the Christmas Party picture. Anderson found a projector. -Greg

\- Right. I'm going to kill Anderson. -JW

* Umm... You better avoid the Yard for a couple of days. -Greg

\- Sherlock? I'm not coming back for a while. I'm going to get smashed at the pub and be arrested for the murder of Anderson. -JW

* Don't be obvious. -SH

\- Thank for the tip, Greg. -JW

\- Obvious? Maybe, but damn well worth it. -JW

* Remember to get the powder burns off your hands. -SH

\- Of course. Can't be sloppy. -JW

* Mycroft can, of course, dispose of all arrest records. -SH

\- I doubt it. He helped in this whole ordeal. -JW

* *Number Blocked* I hear you may need your records wiped

\- I might. Why would help me after what you did? There's no gain in it for you. -JW

* *Number Blocked* Oh there will be a gain... later

\- What gain, Mycroft? -JW

* *Number Blocked* Legwork

\- I thought Sherlock is already helping you out on a case. Well...until he blew up the microwave. -JW

* *Number Blocked* At a later date then. You are the only person who can convince him to take one of my "boring" cases

\- Your resources might be getting rusty. He hardly listens to me. I barely manage to get him to eat on a daily base.-JW

* *Number Blocked* Your opinion matters more than you think. Enjoy your night Dr. Watson

\- Smashed? Of course. -JW

* John, you may want to avoid the Yard for a few weeks. -Greg

\- I moved up to weeks? Hooray for me. Guess Sherlock's on his own for the time being, then. -JW

* Make that at least a month. -Greg

\- Dammit! -JW

\- Sherlock you're on your own. I can't go to Scotland Yard for at least a month now. -JW

* John. They won't work with me. -SH

\- They will not be kind on the jokes and remarks if I show. I'm sorry, but I just...can't. -JW

\- You'll do fine. How did you fair before I came along? Someone had to work with you, right? -JW

* Not exactly -SH

\- Oh...who was it? -JW

* He quit. -SH

* Was smarter than Anderson though.-SH

* Still an Idiot-SH

\- Of course he was. No one can live up to your standards, can they? Though that was a bit much. You're not that bad. He didn't have to quit because of you. -JW

\- But I can't go back. Not until this dies out. -JW

\- I don't think killing Anderson will help anymore. -JW

* Of course it will, you'll be ridding the world of stupidity-SH

\- Not the point. How can I ever return there? My life has been ruined, by stupid pictures -JW

* It will blow over, I suppose. -SH

\- Until then, I'm sorry. Tell me how the cases go so I can write them up on my blog. -JW

* John, you focus too much on the unnecessary details... I will be happy to proofread, of course. -SH

\- I will let you proofread, but you can't change anything. -JW

* That defeats the purpose of the proofreading. -SH

\- I know. -JW

\- That's the point. -JW

* Good night John. -SH

\- Night, Sherlock. -JW


End file.
